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In response to wildly irresponsible remarks made by the artist David Hockney, who told the NY Post that smokers are immune to the coronavirus, the Figure 8 Ranch assembled our emergency response team for a counter-briefing. Here is an unclassified transcript of the briefing for widest dissemination…
The Figure 8 Ranch offered a counter-briefing to combat the subversive declarations of artist and provocateur David Hockney.
Q: Did Trump cause Covid-19?
A: No.
Q: Will Trump cure Covid-19?
A: No.
Q: Will huffing gasoline build immunity?
A: No.
Q: Why didn’t anyone stop the virus?
A: To quote a movie: “You are asking how a watch works. Right now it’s better just to know the time.”
Q: Huffing spray paint?
A: No.
Q: When will this end?
A: Nobody knows. Stay home. Wash your hands. That will help.
Q: But I don’t believe the liberal media!
A: That’s not a question, it’s an obsession. They are different things.
Q: Nothing like this has ever happened before!
A: Also not a question. Also not true.
Q: Do people in China eat bats and pangolins?
A: Yes. Not all Chinese people eat bats and pangolins. But it only takes one person eating bats and pangolins to cause this.
Q: How much does Trump charge to live in people’s heads?
A: It varies. The first rule of real estate is: location, location, location.
Q: Are visual artists good at science?
A: Not David Hockney.
Q: Who should I blame for all of this craziness?
A: Always start at home. Work outward in widening circles.
Q: When will all of this end?
A: It won’t. It goes on ad infinitum. This is called history.
Q: Are you gloomy?
A: We must sail the sea we have, not the one we want.
Q: Where can I find TP?
A: The koan is simple: Be the TP.
Briefing adjourned.
Bob Fuller says
How’s the barn coming?
Very well, thank you for asking. Three sides finished. Looks better than new.
deuce says
This gave me several good chuckles after a long day. Thanks, Craig!
Ugly Hombre says
Good stuff!! Addendum;
Q. I want a Gun I wan’t it now the invisible Wuhan virus zombies- are at the door! I need a gun now! they told me I had to wait why?. WTH? that’s against the Constitution.
A. You voted for it.
Q. What about the “Gunshow Loophole” can I use that?
A. No dufus, the “Gunshow Loophole” is bull chit. AOC etc are liars they want you disarmed so the Zombies can eat you.
Q. Obama said a gun was easier to get than computer of a library book! why can’t I have a gun now?
A. He was lying- he wanted you to vote for gun control so the Wuhan Zombies could eat you.
Q, Trump is a racist! he shut down flights from China coming into the US. But, but, I read that the Glorious Communist China President for life Mao Xi stopped flights going in to China from the US surely the Chairman of the Glorious Communist party is not a wasist? right?.
A. Right Comrade! Trump is a Republican therefore he is a racist backslider, Chairman Xi is a Communist dictator so all and everything he says is good, no matter that he is kicking Kenyans out on the street, and banned them from Chinese Macdonald’s The Kenyans may have brought the Wuhan virus to China from Wudanyi!
Q. Why do Chinese people eat bats, bow wow, rats. pangolins, snakes etc seems unnatural.
A. Ancient proverb states ” Cantonese people will eat anything with four legs except a table and anything that flies except a airplane.”
And the great sage Chow Yun Fat said, ” If you want to be a Chinese you have to eat a lot of nasty stuff” BTW what about you? damn
Hillbilly? I heard you et a squirrel and that’s the same damn thing as as eating a rat.
Etc etc et al. lol
I would love to know the actual numbers in China. If they are reporting even 1/10th of the actual cases I would be stunned.
Ugly Hombre says
So would I, the cell phone drop off indicator is being questioned but there is this,
https://www.newsweek.com/wuhan-covid-19-death-toll-may-tens-thousands-data-cremations-shipments-urns-suggest-1494914
“In 2019, Wuhan also saw 56,007 cremations, a figure 1,583 higher than 2018, and 2,231 more than 2017, according to data released by the Wuhan civil affairs agency. In 2019, the Wuhan population grew by only 1.1 percent from 2018, according to a U.N. projection. While these figures are suggestive of an increase in the city’s death rate above the population growth figure, they’re not conclusive.
Photos began circulating across Chinese social media this week of urns arriving in the epicenter of the outbreak, after families who had lost loved ones to the novel coronavirus were instructed to pick up cremated ashes from one of the local funeral homes in the city. These images raised a fresh round of questions about the real coronavirus death toll in China, with domestic citizens and international critics using the number of urns to accuse the Chinese government of lying about their figures.”
Whatever the figures- its much higher than the Chicom lowball propaganda big lie numbers.
https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/88435z/wuhans-crematoriums-are-filling-thousands-of-urns-with-coronavirus-remains-each-day
:While the authorities continue to insist the death toll from the outbreak in Wuhan is just 2,535, news reports and social media posts over the weekend revealed that seven crematoriums in Wuhan have been handing out over 3,500 urns per day since the restrictions were eased.””
Xi stopped all fights from Wuhan in to other destinations in China but allowed international flights to continue spreading the virus around the globe. 400000 some flew into the US before Trump stopped the flights amidst the hollers from the left. “Party in China Town etc.” Many hundreds of thousands more got out- to Italy etc
We were blind sided, the Chicom’s hid the early figures lied about the infection rate and unleashed hell on the world.
Question is by design or by accident.?
Imo it is man made and escaped from the Wuhan area PLA Biological warfare lab into the ‘wet market’. It seems to be to infectious and deadly to be natural virus.
We may never know the facts.
I saw something about the urn measurements and cell drop-offs elsewhere. The bottom line to me is that they can probably stuff ten Chi-Coms into one urn, and 6 out of ten CHi-Coms still live in pig wallers and bamboo huts, so no matter how you slice it the information coming out of there is just entirely unreliable. I too think it unlikely we will ever know, beyond a reasonable doubt, the truth of the virus’ origins or its actual result in China.
Ugly Hombre says
You are right- the poverty out in the hinterlands is crushing, the regular Chinese people are at the breaking point- that’s why they- the Communist overlords (have been) are turning the whole country in a Nork type total control New Mao era 1984 big brother totalitarian nightmare with advance tech for quite a while.. If it busts loose it will be epic like the bloody cultural revolution in reverse.
Xi has enemies- rivals in the party who want to be the “President For Life” as well- and some who want to open up and reverse the hard core Maoist path of Xi .The skulldrudgery in the court of the new Red Emperor must be quite something.
I hope to hell we wise up and realize what we are up against.
Sad- the odds are not good.
Dean says
Craig,
I may be in Minnesota now but I still enjoy your writing. And TP? I have been extolling the virtues of tortillas. Thet are in great supply and are easily made at home.
Be safe,
Dean
The Old Wine Guy At Ray’s
John Cornelius says
So… those aren’t refried beans.
Ha!
Thanks Dean, and great to hear from you. You aren’t missing anything around here…people leaving piles of their rubber gloves in the Ray’s parking lot…stay healthy, and I sure hope you are enjoying the new life.
Jim says
Thanks needed a laugh.
RLT says
Question: I’m refinishing my black powder rifle. Is now a good time to build an AR-15 as well?
Answer: There is never a bad time to…wait, is that a PSA box? Hey. Hey! Come back here!
Well done 🙂
John M Roberts says
Is Hockney aware that the Chinese are the heaviest tobacco smokers on earth?
I’m just guessing here but it seems almost certain Hockney lives in a bubble. It’s probably protected by a palace-guard of well-armed, mincing eunuchs who rigorously control the flow of information to his highness.
James Pfleging says
About right. But someone will believe it.
I spent 17 days in China in 201. Bejing, Zhenziou, about 3 hours north of Wuhan, and Guangzhou and I can tell you, even villages house residents per square foot. Up to my armpits in humanity. Took a stroll down a locals alley market with live fish in tubs and milk sold from a tap. Bobbed and weaved my way through hundreds of people in the single city block. Like the midway at a county fair. They swim in each others breath and sweat. Regardless of cleanliness, its human soup! My 10-year-old got food poisoning from a combo KFC/McD with a strange name. Good chicken’s feet though. But there is no way, in anyone’s concocted reality, that Wuhan, a city of 11 million, had only 85,000 cases and 3,300 deaths. The exponential growth must have been 30 times that if they were on it from day one.
The claim shouldn’t be treated with suspicion, it should be treated with laughter and mocking!!
James Pfleging says
…In 2013
I agree. We should probably just stipulate that nothing factual emerges from China, and laugh contemptuously every time a Chinese official opens their suckhole. The bottom line is that the Chi-Coms are not the world’s friend. They are a Borg Machine, and it would be so refreshing if we could just start acknowledging that fact instead of mincing around acting scared of them. But I suppose, based on the titheads we keep sending up to houses of government, that the new America likes to play the submissive and flirt with safe words while being horsewhipped. Am I wrong?
Ugly Hombre says
No, you sure as hell are not wrong- we have a chance to wise up and change course, but the odds that we will do so are not good- they are masters at corrupting and already have their hooks in many American political’s. and the American news media etc. Hollywood is nearly owned by them- and now has been destroyed by them, hoisted on a petard of their own making so to speak.
Its just like 1938 or close to it. Instead of National Socialists and hot wars taking over Europe you have a brutal Communist regime using “soft power” and money to gain world power and take over states. So far.
The only good thing about the Wuhan virus is that it has ripped the mask off of their malfeasance.
It’s truly astonishing to see our own information organs so thoroughly corrupted. They truly are parasites, slowly destroying the host body.
Mark Solomon says
Q: will welding underneath the roof of a 5 million gallon water tank all day, then chugging copious amounts of ibuprofen in beer cure the COVID?
A: possibly, but only if you stayed at a motel 6 that night with a bunch of section 8 crouch goblins as your neighbors.
.…“The Streets of Bakersfield…” lmao
David Wrolson (Breaker Morant) says
Take this for what it is worth, but a few years ago on an agricultural markets type radio show, there was a gentleman who had spent a significant amount of time in rural China and he figured the Chinese were lying their asses off about their true population.
He figured 2 Billion, and not the 1.3 Billion or whatever the stated numbers are.
After seeing the bizarre Space X Satellite Train fly overhead last night, I’m open to just about anything.
Ugly Hombre says
The Chicom’s have now increased the figures they released on the deaths in Wuhan by 50 percent- they realized that their blatant lies were too foolish even for the brain dead and their leftist fellow traveler lap dogs in the American media and upped the numbers.
https://www.ibtimes.com/china-increases-death-toll-wuhan-coronavirus-amid-lack-transparency-accusations-2960630
“China’s revision comes after months of criticism from various world leaders about the handling of the Wuhan outbreak and an alleged lack of transparency. Trump and his administration have been among the most vocal critics, with Secretary of State Mike Pompeo recently telling China to “come clean” over speculation the virus originated from a lab in Wuhan. Trump pulled funding from the World Health Organization on Tuesday after complaining the organization was too close to China.”
The Communist propagandists stated that the situation was “to confused” when they gave out the original numbers,
Lol- sure Comrade- up your figures again by 200 percent you might get close to the facts.
GD lying Communist Bastards…