In response to wildly irresponsible remarks made by the artist David Hockney, who told the NY Post that smokers are immune to the coronavirus, the Figure 8 Ranch assembled our emergency response team for a counter-briefing. Here is an unclassified transcript of the briefing for widest dissemination…
Q: Did Trump cause Covid-19?
Q: Will Trump cure Covid-19?
Q: Will huffing gasoline build immunity?
Q: Why didn’t anyone stop the virus?
A: To quote a movie: “You are asking how a watch works. Right now it’s better just to know the time.”
Q: Huffing spray paint?
Q: When will this end?
A: Nobody knows. Stay home. Wash your hands. That will help.
Q: But I don’t believe the liberal media!
A: That’s not a question, it’s an obsession. They are different things.
Q: Nothing like this has ever happened before!
A: Also not a question. Also not true.
Q: Do people in China eat bats and pangolins?
A: Yes. Not all Chinese people eat bats and pangolins. But it only takes one person eating bats and pangolins to cause this.
Q: How much does Trump charge to live in people’s heads?
A: It varies. The first rule of real estate is: location, location, location.
Q: Are visual artists good at science?
A: Not David Hockney.
Q: Who should I blame for all of this craziness?
A: Always start at home. Work outward in widening circles.
Q: When will all of this end?
A: It won’t. It goes on ad infinitum. This is called history.
Q: Are you gloomy?
A: We must sail the sea we have, not the one we want.
Q: Where can I find TP?
A: The koan is simple: Be the TP.